An asymptote

It took me a heck of a time to realize that there is a asymptote that exists and defines the two extremes of life. Before going forward to the naive readers and those who are short on memory like me an asymptote is a line which touches the two curves and is tangent to them approximately.This might not be the precise definition but is close to one since here I am not trying to decipher an asymptote but its existence and relavance in human life or in my life.I see a curve , this curve is the actual path that i took to lead towards my goal.This curve like the curves of the asymptote is in form of a U.The more closer it tries to reach the orgin the more closer i am to learn something.Since orgin or shunya as we define is the state when one is awakened from the deep slumber.He is awakened to the most omnipresent truth that binds us all.Till the time we donot leanr that truth we keep coming closer to it and then retreat away from it.This cycle continues till we do learn from each stage of life.
In my life i see things always happening twice its like a deja vou.I complete one big cycle and then that cycle retreats it self and i again end up in the same state where i was.I would not say this to be a circle but a helical path,helical since i do learn my state improves but the core learning of the events which till the time we donot learn again comes back to us so that we learn.Life has its own ways of teaching us things and stuff that no book can teach us.
The day we learn the core then we are shot off into a different trajectory and into a new curve.Hence our growth in life depends on our shotting off into that different trajectory and the turnover rate which we get shot off.The quicker the better.So what matters is how fast we can find our asymtote and hit the origin else we continue our helical path.There are people whose generations get stuck to the same place while there are people who do find there asymptotes cross the orgin and move on.Sitting here today in the last quarter of my life if i reflect i do find the asymptotes but i could never see them when they were there.

Changing times changing brands

There is a very peculiar feature of all of us herd behaviour.Herd behaviour is the delight for a marketer.Like commoditization where the cost of selling is the determining parameter for companies in case of herd behaviour the same cost is the differentiating factor for companies.About ten years ago places like CCD and Barista were not in vogue.Coffees and tea were best savoured at the local shop acorss the corner.The tea stalls were the most happening places of the city , young would get involved wooing the opposite sex while old would observe them and be critical of this behaviour forgetting that they too did the same at their age.A very pertinent example of how with age and circumstances our choices shift from one thing to another and we forget the same things that we did the most.
But with the passage of time we had these coffeee outlets like CCD and Barista opening up.The initial years when they were opened if in our close circles someone mentioned the point of being at one of these so percieved niche outlets he was looked with awe.CCD , Barista,McDonald etc were all names that were mentioned with esteem.
Fast forward to todays age there would hardly be any one who has not been to a McDonald or a Barista shop.Someof us might argue that the cost is now much more accessible but with a McVeggie at 32 Rs or a Cappucino at 35 Rs cost was not a big deal even then.Though neither the coffee or burger has changed they are the same.Though what has changed is the consumer perception of McDoanld burger or a coffee at CCD.These are no more names looked with awe but a place like the old corner coffee shop where once Manna Dey wrote the legendary song "Coffee house eith shey".The songs would still be there but they would inclucate the changing consumer perceptions and its effect on consumer behaviour.With the all the hype growing about StarBuck what is important is to see when StarBuck looses its status and how quickly consumers replace the existing CCD image with that of StarBuck.

Quest of life

Its the month of July the precise date doesnot matter .In India July is a month when the rains clean the air and flows the dust to the sea.The month marked by thundershowers that soak the dry earth and quench its three month old thirst.The land , trees and animals all are high in mood for some fun like a teen who is allowed to go out for the first time and wants to live the moment as if its the last of his life.Like a young bird who has learnt to fly and wants to fly to distant land and never rest.
But aloof all this fun, I prostrate on the board of the boat.Feeling the wind kissing my skin and the sun giving all its warmth , lying naked before them ; No i m not moved by any embarasement what embarassement ?Haven't they seen me like this whole my life? When i was born , when i bathed the first time, when i thought i was alone but still not alone since there is no vaccum, so why should i fear they seeing me like this. When i was deep in my thought was not this wind whom i was talking to !! When i was longing for the warmth of my estranged love was it not this sun that satiated me with its heat.
So i lay here too distant from the comotion of the city , from the gruelling of everyday , from the constant nagging , from the fight which i have with in me to improve myself, from my own quest to be a better person than what i am today.As I am floating in these thoughts the wind has picked up and the sky is turning from the white to the dark.Darkness of the clouds , I can smell the water laden wind coming from the distant.The fluttering of the sails has stopped , the birds having found safe place have stopped chirping, the water which till now was gushing and billowing in its new found youth is suddenly standing still.As i look around me i see them all staring at me as if a war i stand in a collosal to be slayed today, at times my instincts tell me to take the boat to the bank and wait for the rains to get over but then it is my moment of cleansing, my time for penance for the wrongs that i have done and rights i could not do.
Let the levee break today but i have to stay today , its the levee that taught me to weep and moan, its the levee that taught me to laugh with her , its the levee which heard me when i was down and out so this will be my place where i ll stay and as the rain falls hard i remember the following lines from "IF" :"If you can force your heart and nerver and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will that tell them to :"HOLD ON"".
The rain has started to fall heavily and the wind has picked again picked up and i will sense that today its going to be a long nite but the day tomorrow will be better than today and my quest against my limits continues........

Bakar !!!

Its rarely that he gets to listen to the sound of the wind blowing.Not that he is always accompanied but today he is alone, alone in his mind no thoughts just a kind of silence like the silence one experiences when in deep meditation.He hears to the sound of the air such pureness such warmth like the words of a mother consoling a grieving child which remove the pain and each word spreading the warmth.
But it has to be so its not one one of those regular days.An unusual day which fate has bestowed upon him and standing over the cliff overlooking the valley he can feel nothing but peace.More than the peace the oneness with the mighty nature which at one stroke of chance can put an end to him.He feels like a soldier who sees his life in the hands of his adversary knows one motion of his hand can put end to his life of complexity but still happy for dying having received his eternal goal.
"The greatest and commanding moment in world is the triumph of enthusiasm.Nothing great could ever be achieved without it."
He keeps iterating this line in his mind trying to make sense of enthusiasm , triumph , moment , greatest words.No not words these are not words today but discrete thoughts and the words discrete sticks to his mind.He remembers his Math classes:Discrete Numbers: Numbers whose occurence is not defined by any principle.Discrete: Eva said discrete emotions with which we both love each other.We cannot coalease our emotions they can never be, the harder we try still we can not fuse them together : it is discrete and kissed him.Discrete: Sam said you cannot live your life with discretely, you have to settle to lead a life:afterall life is not to be lived in a discrete number there has to be some continuity.
And he always asked why not discrete?
He is jolted back to where he is by the sound of overhead flying eagle.He doesnot remember how much time he had been here so he looks at his watch but doesnot sees the time.Time is the last thing he is going to worry.But then again the thought comes to his mind how much time he will stand here?How much time more he has to tell Sam stop telling what to do?How much time more he has to spend with Eva to tell her how much he loves her ? He cannot stand here to eternity.His favourite word eternity which always reminds him of infinity or patience and his quest to know what is beyond infinity.He was always fascinated with the story of the ant who kept falling from the wall and still kept on trying.He was fascinated not by the victory that ant gains but by how much time would the ant continue to toil will it ever give up or die like this trying?Why he is bound by shackles which prevent him from doing what he wants.Why cannot he flow like in a river let the river deciede his destiny why is he tormented by his own thoughts which betray him plot against him and try to bind his freedom not his physical freedom but freedom of his soul.
He has changed his mind its not the time to do what he wanted but time to do what he never did.
Time to flow , time to breathe the air not to live but to feel its coolness inside , taste the water not to quench his thrust but to understand what makes it so pure and time to love not with the aim to get it back but to understand what it is like being in love!!!May be he might die trying but he died trying!!!!

mirage

I love you in a mirage
The closer i am from you
The further it seems to me from me
Its not the distance that i travel
Its not the hardships that i face
But its the travesties that i create
To conceal what is in me
All this for you
Since i love you in a mirage...
The sand below my feet is burning
But its nothing as compared to the fire that burns me
Everytime i see a glimpse so near
Just to find its not near but far
Were you there i ask in disbelief
Or was I in delirium
When my disillusioned self returns to sense
I realise it was not you but the mirage
As i love you in a mirage
I fear i might lose my sentient self chasing you
You who created this illusion of your being here
Even though my councious self pulls me towards your absence
Its this mirage that has created your presence
As i try to dispell this mirage
I realise i cannot remove this disillusionment
My delirium is to stay with me
I am going to stay the way i am
Pulling myself toward my self incarceration
Incarcerated not by you whom i love
but by the mirage
As i loved you not for what you are
But the mirage of what you are
And now i fear of what you are
As every fear needs a company
I have made this mirage my friend
Its where i feel you the closest
Its where i feel your warmth
Since I love you but in a mirage